It is quite something to sit in a South Delhi cinema and watch Dev ask Paro whether she touches herself. This is 15 minutes into the movie and not one person in the audience is breathing. Paro (gorgeous Mahi Gill) whimpers in response and her toes curl tight. Next Paro is on a mission because Dev wants a nude picture. There she is ready to beat the crap out of the Chandigarh cybercafe man who wants to scan the photo she has in her hand. 

Dev gets the image and gets on the phone immediately. “Paro, main aa raha hoon” he says. Quite funny Anuragji. But why didn’t you keep it cold and steady like your girl Zoya Akthar? Clearly you need new friends. One of them should have told you that:
1. The film was not surreal enough to carry the Sardar driver telling Abhay in English that ‘he drinks like a fish’. I nearly flung something at the screen, why didn’t your friends? Again, a lesson lies in Luck by Chance where even the extras were perfect. Coached but not parrot-ish.
2.  Chanda (Kalki) is a luminous, wonderful little oddball. Your heart bleeds for her less successful encounter with sex and technology but clots quickly in self-defence. The girl can’t act yet. Her intonation is all over the place. She picks up energy only in the scenes that she is with Abhay. And at least one of those, the one when she meets him for the second time and flirts outrageously, is great. Why didn’t you push her harder? As it is I had a glimpse of Bollywood love changing forever. But only a glimpse.
3. Why on earth did you give Chunni a pimpmobile? A rigged out pink car? Are you kidding me?
4. We love you but we are terrified you will rot into smugness WAAAAY before your time.
5. God is in the details.
6. This is an intervention. 
Go watch Dev D, people. Anurag Kashyap needs you.